Friday, December 7, 2012


I think I'm too sensitive for my own good. I've always been incredibly shy and I have a hard time making new friends because I'm not good at the small talk and I don't like putting myself out there. I found the internet when I was in junior high. I've made a ton of good internet friends over the years. The first internet friend I had was a kid named Scott who lived in a suburb of Chicago. We found each other in the Yahoo! Personals before it was a dating site. He and I shared a birthday. I still have a Christmas card he sent me a bajillion years ago. My best friend for the longest time was a man named Phil. We were super close and I loved him a lot. He moved away and we lost contact. I still have him on my Yahoo! Messenger. He's occasionally online and we talk. I miss him a lot. The man who taught me to be more open and not as shy... the man who taught me that I could be loved for me and I didn't need to change for anyone. I met him online too... His name is Ryan. I ended things with him and he was so hurt we haven't talked much since. He was a great friend...

Anyway, my whole point for writing all of this is that I don't take well to criticism. I'm always so harsh on myself and I don't like when other people are... It makes me defensive and angry... usually. I know a lot of people are like, "If you don't want opinions on stuff, don't put it out there on the internet." I don't have a lot of friends in real life. I've made some lifelong friends online. I don't want to lose them and I don't want to lose the opportunity to meet great people...

Brenda: Some days, I don't know what I would do without talking to you. You let me vent. You let me cry "on your shoulder". We talk about everything and, while this might be strange since we've never met, you're probably one of my best friends. You know more about me than most of my real life friends.

Jolynn: I am so glad we met. You are an amazing woman and an amazing friend. I can't wait until you're done with school and have more free time. Maybe we can hang out again then!!! :)

Jaime, Shauna, Jennifer, and everyone else: Thank you so much for reading me over the years and giving me your advice.

I know I sometimes jump to the wrong conclusions. I know I've probably said harsh things to you and yet you're all still here. You put up with my venting and my excitement over lame things and everything.

This isn't a goodbye... I know it might sound that way, but it's really not. I'm not going anywhere... This is just an explanation of why I do the things I do... why I react the way I do. I'm not a big fan of people disagreeing with me because it makes me evaluate myself. I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care what people think of me as much as I used to. I hate confrontation. I hate fighting. I hate disagreement. I need to get stronger skin. 


  1. Did I miss something? Are you ok?

    1. Good. :) In that case, I'm glad I met you too and I can't wait to be able to hang out more than just once a year! :D


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