Jealousy + Appointments + Mourning

When I was younger I was always super jealous of my siblings. They're both petite with blond hair and blue eyes. They're both thin... they take after my father's side of the family... I was always more like my mom's side of the family... I'm big boned and have brown hair and brown eyes. I've always struggled with my weight... They're also both fearless. They would hop onto anything with wheels and take off without fear of being injured. I was always such a worrywart that I would fuss and cry because I might hurt myself... The older we get, the less jealous I am... While they may be fearless and able to ice skate the first time they try, I can fairly easily learn how to do anything. I may still struggle with my weight, but the older they get, the thinner they get. Haha... I don't know what possessed me to write about this, but I've felt like writing about it for a couple of days now...

I had my doctor's appointment today. I spoke with my doctor about going off my birth control. She completely supports that decision but suggested using other forms of birth control for at least three to four months. The main reason being, we don't know how my body is going to react when I go off my birth control. We need three or four months of non-pregnant me in order to figure out if I still need to take my blood pressure medication or not. She also strongly advised against getting pregnant while on Prozac and she said the least amount of time she recommends staying on it is six months. I just started my fourth month. So, I will be done with Prozac in March or so... So, after this thing of pills (which I'll finish next Saturday), I won't be buying any more.

I still can't believe how much I'm mourning over twenty-six people I don't even know. Those children... those poor innocent children... Ever since I saw the photos of them being posted, I can't forget their little faces. And the teacher who saved her entire class by putting them in the closet and then telling the shooter they were in gym class and then getting shot to death herself... so brave... and the school principal that lunged at the gunman to protect a couple of teachers and was killed in the process... so admirable. Just typing this small paragraph out brought tears to my eyes. Ugh. So sad.