Monday, July 30, 2012

The Color Run Indy Recap

OMG! It was such a good time. I wish that I had been doing some sort of walking training though. My ankles, knees, thighs, and lower back were killing by yesterday morning. Anyway, here's what went down...

Friday I got off work at 4 pm. I immediately drove over to the neighboring town to pick up my bestie Pam. We headed to a big town about 45 miles north of us to meet her fiance at Olive Garden for dinner. Pam decided we needed to carbo-load before our "big race". LOL Funny girl. Dinner was a hoot. Her fiance is hilarious. I got Ravioli di Portobello... and had a salad and one breadstick too. I still don't eat in public very well and barely finished my food. Then Pam decided we needed dessert. So we got the three mini mousse deal... we got amaretto tiramisu, strawberry white chocolate, and caramel double chocolate. They were all yummy! After we ate, Pam's fiance insisted on buying our food. We tried to pay our part, but he wasn't having it. Such a nice guy. Haha... We left and headed to my Aunt Pam's.

With the time change, we got to my aunt's around 9 pm their time (8 pm mine). We visited with my aunt and uncle for a bit, changed, and were in bed by 9:30. I had a rough time sleeping. I can usually fall asleep within 5-10 minutes of laying down. I tossed and turned a bit and probably fell asleep around 10ish. I slept okay until a little after midnight when I woke up having to pee. I got up and went to the restroom and then had a hard time falling back asleep. Rough...

I got up when my alarm went of at 4:15 (3:15 at home), changed, and got ready to go... then I woke up Pam. We were back in the car and hit the road to Indy right at 5 am. We got to Indy very shortly after 6 and found the park where the Color Run was held. We found a decent parking spot and started to walk into the park to register. We realized though that we had to buy our parking in advance and put a little ticket on the dash to avoid being towed. So we stood in line for that... it took about 20 minutes, no lie. The machine was SLOOOOOOW. We got our ticket and put it on the dash and walked into the park again. We stood in line for registration which really didn't take too long... maybe 20 minutes or so... We got free PacSun painters caps and free bracelets that say Color Run 2012 on them.

After we registered, we went back to the car. We put our Color Run t-shirts in the car, pinned our numbers to our bellies, put on our "Color Runner" sweat bands and took a before picture:

All nice and clean before the race!!! We walked back to the park and found the starting corral. It was fun. The guy on the speakers was having us to the wave and all sorts of fun stuff while waiting for the race to start. They had a little hiccup and I'm fairly certain it started after it was supposed to. We were in the second wave of runners that got to go. We walked the whole thing because I hadn't been training to run it. It was a lot of fun!!! I think it took us about an hour to walk it. Here is our after photo:

Pam also took front and back photos of me afterwards... We had our phones in plastic baggies and she didn't take her phone out (I don't blame her in the slightest) so the photos are blurry.

After we were done, we went to the little party at the finish line. We stood around for about 20 minutes and then we headed back to my car. Pam stripped down to some tight shorts and her sports bra in the parking lot. She changed her clothes and beat as much dust off of herself as she could. I took off my outer shirt, I had a plain white tank underneath, beat the dust off my pant legs, legs, and shoes as much as possible... wet a bandana that I had stuffed down my shirt with my phone inside and wiped off my hands, arms, and legs as best as I could... took the sweatband off my head and put in a regular headband, and put on a clean (semi-clean as I slept in it the night before) tee. We put all of our colored clothes in plastic bags in the car. Then we put trash bags on the seat and sat on towels in hopes of not transferring any color to my car. We took off and decided to find some food.

I drove the wrong way to get out of park and we ended up in a sketchy part of town... but only for about a mile or so. We saw a Steak n Shake and decided to stop there. We both got sausage, egg, and cheese bagels with some hash brown bites and orange juice. Holy grease, batman... but it was tasty. I sent my aunt a pic of us (the after of the two of us together) and asked if she was ready for us to come shower at her place. LOL We got there and Pam took the first shower. Then I took mine. Thankfully all of the color dust came off of me... but I had to scrub myself FOUR times to get it all gone. Then when I got out, I noticed I had red dust in my ear. Apparently someone came up behind us and decided I needed red on me and I didn't even notice. They got it in my ear! LOL

When we were done showering, we sat around for about an hour and then my uncle suggested my aunt take us to Hershey's (a little ice cream stand) and get some ice cream. So she did. I got a Chocolate Covered Banana Flurry (kind of like a blizzard) and it was delicious! It was vanilla soft serve with a banana cut up in it and then they took that chocolate shell stuff and put that in there too... Delish!!! We sat at Hershey's and ate our ice cream and then went back to my aunt's. We decided to take off when we got back...

I was sooooo tired I was literally falling asleep at the wheel. Thankfully Pam had gotten a call that her ring (engagement ring) was ready to be picked up at the jeweler so we stopped on our way back through which helped wake me up. Then we stopped at McDonald's so I could get some cheeseburgers and a tea. We also stopped at a gas station so Pam could put some gas in my car... Then we headed home. We were talking on the way and decided to make another stop so Pam could show her future sister-in-law her ring and so Pam could show me the Coach clutches she wanted to buy for her bridesmaids for their gifts. Score! I'm a bridesmaid. So, we went and looked and I got to pick them out. They are so cute! I can't wait. LOL

After that I took Pam home and then I went home. I just dropped my stuff in a big heap on the bedroom floor, changed into comfy pants, and took a nice 3 hour nap... I got up for about two hours and then went back to bed and slept for 12 hours. I must have been exhausted!!!

All in all it was a great time. I'd definitely do it again!!! It was a super fun and easy 5K for sure! (And I get to cross one of my goals off my list... of finishing a 5K. Woot woot!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Pre-Color Run Jitters

I leave tomorrow for my Color Run in Indy. I'm super-excited, but stressed at the same time. Haha.

Oh, before I write about that... I'm going to tell you about what I call my "spinning issue". It happens while I'm sleeping. All conditions have to be right, but what basically happens is I'll be in a deep, deep sleep and all of a sudden, it'll feel like my body weighs 1000 pounds and is being forced into my bed and everything starts spinning really fast. When I can finally open my eyes and try to focus, it feels like they're moving left to right really fast and then everything just stops. My head usually feels a little cloudy/weird for a day or two and then everything is back to normal.

I've talked to my doctor about it... I'm not worried. She said she's convinced it's an inner ear thing as it didn't start until after I had a really severe ear infection in high school. I only get one maybe once a year, maybe once every two years. It almost always happens after I clean out my ears...

I had a spinning issue last night and my head feels really foggy today. It's not like a can't do my job or function as I usually would, my head just feels foggy and I feel sorta weak like I could pass out at any time. I usually feel this way while I'm sitting down. I feel better standing or laying. I just ate lunch and it feels much better now than it did. Ugh... The weird things that happen to me.

Anyway, so I had to email the Color Run people because I was confused as to where Pam and I should register. The thing says registration is at the Runner's Forum tonight and tomorrow (which we can't make it) or before the event, but it didn't say where. Luckily I got a response back that we can register at the starting line before the event, but we have to be there 1.5 hours early which means 6 am. *yawn* Haha.

Here's what we're thinking is going to happen... My boyfriend is off work on Friday. Before I knew that, I was going to get off work at 4, run home and feed the animals, let the dog outside, finish packing and head to Pam's with hopes of being there around 4:45 so we could head out. We're staying at my aunt's house and she lives about an hour and 45 minutes away. So, we were going to stop at the 45 minute mark as we're driving through the nearest big city to eat dinner somewhere tasty. I figured in about an hour for that and told my aunt we'd be there around 7:30 or 8. But now that Matt is going to be home, I believe that I will get off at 4 and just head straight to Pam's. We can still stop at the half way point for dinner as it'll probably be 5ish when we hit town and then we'll get to my aunt's earlier. The problem is, I just found out that my aunt isn't even going to be home. What?! She said we could stay at her house, but she's going to be at her daughter's house. I just mapquested it and her daughter's house is about the same distance away from Indy as my aunt's house. Maybe we should see if we can stay with my cousin and aunt. That'd be a heck of a lot more fun than staying with my uncle. LOL

Wait, in the process of writing this, I just found out that my aunt will indeed be home. *sigh of relief* So, we'll still go to my aunt's as planned. She also said it's fine if we want to stop back by after the race to shower as it's an hour from Indy to her house and then another two home and it'd be nice not to have to ride all the way home in clothing with color powder all over them.

Now, I have a question:

What shoes should I wear? I know it's not a big race, but I have knee problems and need good shoes. I could wear my everyday shoes which need replaced anyway so if they get powder on them... oh well. Or I could wear my shoes that were $120 and are super nice and almost brand new. But I'm not sure if I want them to have powder in them for the foreseeable future... *shrugs* Your thoughts?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Advice Needed + Decision (EDIT)

I haven’t seen my friend Jen since like… Christmas of 2010, I think… She was so busy with her boyfriend, her boyfriend's daughter, work and family... it was ridiculous. Well, she broke up with her (now ex) boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and now has a lot of free time. She wants me to join the YMCA with her.

I decided on Friday to cancel my gym memberships and then buy a treadmill for home. I don't ever go to the gym anymore... When I went to the 24 Hour Gym, I just used the treadmill... nothing else. I haven't been going to Curves at all lately either.

I already canceled my 24 Hour Gym membership which was $25 a month. I tried to call and cancel my Curves membership but the manager was persistent to just put me on a leave for a bit. I won’t be charged but I also have no privileges and cannot go there for anything… on October 31st, I need to let her know if I’m leaving Curves or starting up my membership again. But that’s gonna save me $34 a month for at least two months...

I was going to buy a new treadmill and put it on my credit card. I have one that would have no payments and no interest until December. I would be able to pay it off with my Christmas bonus... However, I realized that with my paycheck this Friday, I was going to put $200 towards my credit card balances. I could take that money to buy a treadmill outright. I found one on Craigslist in my town for $160. It's basically brand new. The lady broke her ankle shortly after buying it and has been unable to use it since. She said she will hold it for me until I get paid too…

So, last time I was a member of the YMCA, I qualified for financial assistance because I really don’t make that much money... I still make the same money and pay about the same amount of bills. With the financial assistance, my joining fees were waived and my monthly fee was $13.80 (it would have been $36ish).

Jen and I went for a tour last night. OMG! The place is huge now. It's like four times the size it used to be... and it's so, SO nice!!! They added a lot of classes including a spinning class. The cardio room is huge. I think they have like 20 treadmills now... they used to have like 5... There is so much equipment!

I really want to join the Y now that I've been there for the tour. It's amazing. I picked up financial aid paperwork and got it all filled out. I'm going to run it by on my lunch hour today. Last time, I dropped off the paperwork on a Thursday or Friday and had a letter in the mail by Monday telling me how much my fees would be. So, I'm hoping I can join by early next week. Jen and I already set up an orientation class with a trainer who will show us how to work all of the equipment. That is next Thursday at 6 as I have to be a member to do the class...

My question is this: would you –
a) join the Y in hopes that your friend will go with you and save the money you would have spent on the treadmill…
b) join the Y if the rates are low enough but still buy the treadmill in case your friend doesn’t go with you so you’d still have something to do at home...
c) don’t join the Y, but buy the treadmill
d) don't join the Y, don't buy the treadmill, go back to Curves

I don’t know what to do!

P.S. For those of you that read my other blog and are going to say "but last time you had a treadmill you sold it because you didn't use it"... I didn't use it because I couldn't. My wiring in my house was messed up and every time I turned the treadmill on, my breaker would trip. That's been fixed and my electrician says he sees to reason why I couldn't operate a treadmill in my house.

Second, Jen get's so serious about weight loss when she does it. About 6 years ago, we were both members of Curves and we went solidly for a bunch of months (like 6)... I don't think she'd ditch me... I think she'd actually go to the gym.

I talked it over with my mom. She's known Jen about as long as I have... which is 12 years. She said when Jen sets her mind to it, she's serious about weight loss and would be a good buddy to have. I agree.

I emailed the lady with the treadmill and said:

One of my good friends called me and is going through a tough breakup. She asked me to join the Y with her and I’m considering doing so… If I join the Y, I won’t necessarily need a treadmill at home as I can use the ones there. If you can still sell it to someone else, that would be good… Joining the Y and buying a treadmill aren’t both in my budget at this time, but I feel really bad about not taking it after you’ve been so nice about holding it for me. Please let me know if this poses any problems for you and I will try to work something out.

Her response:

Nope! That is perfectly fine :) I am all for girl power and teaming up at the gym! Good for you and good for her for going to the Y! I'll probably just end up hanging on to it, but if in the future you change your mind and would like to buy it, just let me know! Save my email and I'll save yours and maybe we can work something out at another time :)

Amazing! So, I'm going to go ahead and join the Y and do that for a couple of months to see how it works out. Yay! Excitement. Haha.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Sunshine Blogger Award

One of my favorite bloggers (Marcia at Minus One Hundred) nominated me for a Sunshine Blogger Award:

Here are the rules:
1. Include the award log either in your acceptance post or somewhere on your blog.
2. Answer 10 Questions about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 10-12 other deserving bloggers.
4. Add a link on your post to all the talented winners and comment on their page to let them know they've been deemed amazing.
5. Thank the brilliant soul that recognized your talent and bestowed this wonderful award on you... and of course link back to them as well. 

Now, for the questions:

1. What would you most like to change about yourself?
I would like to feel more... I guess the word I'm looking for is outgoing. I'm shy when I first meet people. I don't like to start conversations. I don't like to be turned down so I also don't make a lot of plans with people I don't know well. We've lived in the same house for three years now and I've barely spoken to the girl who lives across the street who is probably about the same age as me. I don't know why I've always been so shy. I'm totally not that way once you get to know me, but until you make the first move, I don't really talk to you. *shrugs*

2. What is your theme song?
The first song that comes to mind is I Am Human by the Brian Buckley Band. Most people don't even know who BBB is, but they're one of my favorite bands. Here are the lyrics from the song:

Don't you take me too seriously
Cause one day I will be back around
One day I will be back around
Don't you interest yourself in the things you cannot change
Cause one day I will be back around
One day I won't be lost, I won't be found
I am human and I will let you down
Don't you marvel at the mountains just to question the good Lord why
Cause one day I will speak my goodbye
One day we will speak our goodbye
One day I won't run, I won't hide
I am human
I am human
And I will let you down
I think it's funny that we say that
When things don't seem to want to go our way 

I don't know... you kind of have to hear it... it just touches me in a special way. I feel like it sends the message that to err is human and that's perfectly okay... which it is... and I am definitely human.

3. One part of your life, a memory, action, etc., that you wish you could surgically remove from your brain.
I don't particularly want to write about the #1 part that I would like to surgically remove so I'll go to another... I would like to remove the death of my friend Chuck. He was a really good friend of mine. My mother was a huge fan of his and would always say, "Crystal, you should marry Chuck. He's good people." And I'd say, "But, Mom... it's CHUCK" as if that would explain it. I officially became friends with Chuck in high school. We were both part of the JROTC (Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps) course in school. We were in the same grade. He joined the Army and was deployed almost directly after high school. We got news that he was killed in Tikrit, Iraq on August 25, 2004. It doesn't seem like it's been almost eight years since his death. R.I.P. Chuck... I miss you.

4.  What generation do you wish you had been a part of?
I think I would have to say the 1960s... This is mostly because I love the show Mad Men and I'm always in awe at the dresses the women wear on that show...

5.  What was your favorite Childhood Toy?
Well, I had a big white floppy eared bunny that I called Sleepy, but I don't think he was really my favorite. I think my favorite was my Jamie Pies doll. She smelled so good. Mom likes to tell me all the time that I puked on her a few times. A couple of years ago, I came across her in my closet at my parents' house. She still smelled good. :) Makes me want to snuggle with her. LOL

6.  What is your favorite housecleaning chore?
I like organizing things. I usually hate cleaning the mess up afterwards, but I like taking everything off a shelf and putting it back neatly. I rearrange the books on my bookshelves often just because I think of a better idea of how to do it... I'm not a fan of any of the usual household chores. I don't like doing dishes, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc... I'd rather organize something. :)

7.  Do you twitter?
I have a twitter account... three actually... one for this blog (@MissElephantine), one for personal and television related postings (@SuperWhoLocked3) and one for my Supernatural fan site (@SPN_Fandom). :) I don't post a lot though. Just saying.

8.  Any goals?
I would like to eventually be able to run. I think because the shape my knees are currently in, it will take a while before I can run without hurting myself, but I'm willing to work up to it. I would also like to get down to 160 again. :)

9.  Do you drink margaritas all the time?
Not usually. I have one every now and again at my in-laws house.

10.  What's the ugliest car you've ever driven and were embarrassed to be seen in?
I'm not sure that I've ever driven anything that I was embarrassed to be seen in. I'm not even sure that I've really ridden in anything that I was embarrassed to be seen in... except maybe the school bus. Haha.

The 10 blogs I'm tagging, in alphabetical order, are:
Airing My Dirty Laundry
The Boring Runner
Carly Shrinks
Dropping the Plus from My Size
Endomondo Road
Figuring it Out
Let's Just Build a House!
Minus One Hundred
Runs for Cookies
Skinny Runner

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Telling ED No! - Reflections #7

I'm reading a self-help book called "Telling ED No!". It's basically a book that helps you work through your thoughts as to why you have disordered eating. I definitely do. At the end of each chapter, there are reflection questions which help you overcome your eating disorder. I am going to post those here.

Self judgement is harsh but seems to go hand in hand with Ed. When and if you find that you're judging yourself, which of the following tools might you use to work through the negative thoughts: affirmations, journaling chatting with supports, drawing? To see yourself in a positive, nonjudgmental light, write three positive statements about yourself.

1.) I believe that I am a good friend. I only have a few friends whom I would consider great friend, but I feel that I am there for them when they need me. I feel like that is a good personality trait to have and I'm glad that I FEEL like I am a good friend.

2.) Even though I am greatly overweight, I like the way my face/head looks. Yes, it could be a bit thinner, but I like my hair and my eyes and my nose and mouth. I like the symmetry of it. This is one of my favorite things about myself.

3.) I am very imaginative. Sometimes I have dreams so vivid and strange that I wake up saying, "Where did that come from?!?" Other times I have dreams that are like movies. I love to write and, because of one of these dreams (and the help of my cousin Heather), I am currently writing a story.

Friday, July 20, 2012


I currently have two gym memberships. One to the 24 Hour Gym which is $25 a month and one to Curves which is $34 a month. I refuse to cancel my Curves membership because it really does benefit me when I actually go. I AM going back on August 1st… No ifs, ands, or buts about it…

I’m debating canceling my other gym membership. I only ever use the treadmill and none of the other machines. I think that walking in addition to the strength training at Curves is also very important to my weight loss. I refuse to walk outside because it’s either too hot or too cold or there are too many bugs. I’m not an outdoorsy person if you didn’t know.

My question is this: I could buy a brand new treadmill on my credit card with no interest for 6 months and pay about the same amount each month I do for my gym membership. I would have a treadmill of my own regardless of whether I use it or not (not just wasting $25 a month like I've been with my gym membership)… or I can keep my gym membership which will end up costing me $300 a year even if I don’t go.

I would be able to completely pay off the treadmill with my Christmas bonus this year before the interest kicks in on the credit card. I don't have the money to pay outright... and won't until I get my Christmas bonus. I know I shouldn't add more debt to my plate, but I feel like it's counterproductive to pay $25 a month (another $125) when I'm not really getting anything out of it...

What would you do???

Thursday, July 19, 2012

And we're off...

My cousin and I are having a little "competition". Though it really isn't a competition. It's more like... mutual weight loss support. We are about the same size. Our goal is to lose one pound per week until Christmas. That means we each have to lose 22 pounds before then. I'm cool with that. :) Our "prize" will be a shopping trip with just the two of us. Sounds like a plan to me!

I'm going to attempt to write everyday... even if it's just to post a food log. I'm planning on doing photo food journals this weekend. It's really difficult for me to do a photo food journal during the week... I have a couple new recipes I want to try this weekend. We'll see how those go...

Anyway, I'm getting busy at work so this is short and sweet. :)

Breakfast:  185 Calories
- medium banana
- light strawberry banana yogurt

Morning Snack:  80 Calories
- Mott's Medleys fruit snacks

Lunch:  465 Calories
- two ham salad sandwiches on light wheat
- chips (cheese puffs and veggie chips)

Afternoon Snack:  100 Calories
- peanut butter chocolate chip granola bar

Dinner:  540 Calories

- Cajun Turkey-Burger Skillet
- light wheat bread with light butter

Drinks/Dessert:  100 Calories
- mini ice cream sandwich
- 2 cans Diet Dr. Pepper
Total Calories Consumed:  1470 Calories
*** Water:  70 oz

- None
TOTAL:  0 Calories Burned

NET CALORIES: 1470 Calories
(Goal <1490 Calories)
Time: 3:35 pm
Mood:  tired and run down
Weather:  sunny, dry, humid, 93° F
Hair:  naturally curly

Clothes:  blue jeans and gray flowing tee
Sound/Music:  normal work sounds
Book:  Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Novels and
   Stories: Volumes I and II: 1
by Arthur Conan Doyle
Taste:  Diet Dr. Pepper
Craving: home
Thing I should be doing:  working
Sleep (Previous Night):
I went to bed at [unknown] pm.
It took me [unknown] to fall asleep.
I awoke
[unknown] times.
I was in bed for
My total sleep time was
[unknown] minutes.
[unknown] PERCENT

Didn't set Fitbit before bed.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

In all seriousness...

I'm sick and tired of falling off the wagon. I'm tired of hearing, "If you really want it, you'll do it... whatever the cost." I'm sick of everything diet related.

I was looking through some old pictures today. I don't know how I thought the girl to the right was fat. I was about my thinnest ever there... probably 135ish on a 5'7" broad shouldered frame. I thought I was fat then and it's probably because I still had love handles there... but when you don't have any hips, it's kind of impossible NOT to have some sort of love handles. *shrugs*

The weight I am in the picture to the left is when I was my most healthy weight. Because I have braces, I can tell you this was my senior year of high school. I cropped out my friends because I doubt the would want me putting pics of them on my blog for all the world to see. I was probably 145-150 here which was an ideal weight on my frame. I also thought this girl was fat...

I truly wish that I didn't have issues with my body. I'm sure every girl does, but it's been a battle since the time I was ten years old. I can remember as the weight came on, my mom would say, "Crystal, you need to slow down on your eating. Cute clothes only go to a size 13/14 and you're almost too big to wear those!" That is true... back then, they didn't really have cute plus-sized clothing. But I was over 200 pounds before I hit high school. That's not good for any young girl's self-esteem.

I'm mad with myself because I let that healthy girl above turn into the overweight girl below. The below pic was taken at my friend Jo's graduation. I thought I looked decent and then I saw this pic and was like, "What has happened to me???" I think that I have some sort of reverse body dysmorphic disorder. I look in the mirror and I don't think I look bad. Usually I think I look pretty good. Then I see pictures and am shocked at the amount of weight I've put on.
Last night, my aunt took family portraits of my family. I stayed at my parents' house late so I could see the pictures. I looked so big in them! My mom picked out the ones that looked the best, but I'm ashamed at how far I've let myself go.

I haven't weighed myself in a while... like a couple of weeks. I'm ashamed to say that as well. I don't know where I am weight wise. I really need to get everything back on track. I need to go grocery shopping. The problem is that I don't have the money and so my boyfriend gives me his debit card to buy groceries. If he needs it for any reason, I can't have it. The only reason I think he'd need it is if he needs to buy his lunch. If that's the case I'll volunteer to go to Subway and get him something so I can get some groceries.

Right now I'm working on making a grocery list. While I hate grocery shopping, I'll be glad to have food in the fridge. I haven't eaten any lunch today because I have nothing to eat. My tummy is growling. Maybe my boyfriend will let me get a sub for myself. That would be a nice treat. Om nom nom.

Anyway, Things are going to be better starting tomorrow. I can't say today because all I've consumed is some Dr. Pepper and some puppy chow (chex mix cereal coated in chocolate/peanut butter and powdered sugar...). But if I get groceries today, tomorrow will be a new day, and a healthier one.

I use MyFitnessPal to track my calories. It would be awesome if anyone else who uses it would add me on there and motivate me to stay good. I'm going to concentrate on my food for the rest of the month and then starting in August, I'm hitting the gym again. I have to... I really do... I'm so depressed with how I look these days. *sigh*

Friday, July 6, 2012


I've been a little MIA lately and I apologize for that. My weight has hovered around 225 since the last time I posted a weigh in. I'll have to go back and look for my weigh ins via MyFitnessPal so I can update my weigh in log. Ugh. I really need to get back on track with my diet AND exercise.

I think I'm going to change my "Telling ED No!" entries to just once a week... maybe on Sundays because I usually don't post on Sundays. We'll see...

Anyway, I've had a lot of ups and downs in the last few weeks, but right now I'm just dwelling on the down. On Sunday my brother's best friend drowned on our local lake. He was just 25 years old. I have no idea how he drowned. This is the story as I understand it:

Jesse (my brother's friend) and his mom (Page), his step-brother, and a couple of his nephews were at the lake swimming. Page had bought a new raft for the little ones to play on. Jesse and his step-brother were rough housing around with the raft and it got away. They both went after it. His brother was on the front pulling it in and Jesse was on the back hanging on... and then he wasn't. They thought he was just joking around and would resurface somewhere or grab on of their legs from under the water. They started getting panicked and called for help. It took the dive team about four hours to find his body.

I've heard from my mother that he had been roofing before. He didn't get off work until 2 pm and by 2:30, he was missing. I also heard that he was intoxicated at the time of his drowning... I'm guessing that means he was drinking while roofing... Even when he was completely wasted, Jesse was a good swimmer. I can't imagine how he could have drowned.

Last night was his funeral. It was about like you'd expect the funeral for a 25 year old to be... I got off work at 5 and headed home. My stomach was in knots so I didn’t eat much of my dinner... maybe half a piece of Buffalo Chicken Mac. I worked on my Supernatural fan site for a little bit and then around 5:45, I changed and refreshed my deodorant, body spray, makeup and hair. I left my house at 6 and headed to my parents’. Around 6:30 we all headed to his funeral. We were literally 5-10 minutes from the funeral home. We got there and went inside. They had pictures set up along the walk from the entrance to the casket. We looked at the pictures on the way to the front. Towards the casket, they had the sign in book and a TV playing a slideshow of more pictures. We got to the casket, and I tried not to really look at him because I didn’t want to cry. I got to Page and she gave me a great big hug and didn’t want to let go. I let her hug me as long as she wanted to… I started to tear up a bit. My cousin's husband was behind me and he was definitely teary eyed and he told Page that he and Jesse were real good buddies and that choked me up a little bit. We went back towards the back of the viewing room and found a group of open seats and sat there. My brother wasn’t any where around. He had been there, but had already left to go smoke or something. He came in around 7:15 ish and his face was all puffy from crying. He sat down in our group of seats and started crying immediately. I looked away just because it hurt me to see him so sad and I didn’t want to cry because once I started I wouldn’t stop. We sat around talking and stuff until 8 when the funeral started. It was a nice funeral… it lasted a long time though. By the time we got back to my parents’ it was after 9. My dad and my cousin's husband each had a beer and before they drank them, they raised them up and said “This is for Jesse!” Then we sat around telling some stories about him… Around 10, we all left… I got home around 10:20 and was starving! I ate the rest of my piece of Buffalo Chicken Mac, got my clothes ready for today and went to bed… SUCH A DRAINING DAY!

R.I.P. Jesse
February 7, 1987 - July 1, 2012
You will be missed!!!

Man drowns at Lake M--
A twenty five year old man is dead after drowning at Lake M-- Sunday afternoon. Investigators say it happened at an area known as M-- beach.

Divers found his body at about 8:00p.m. after searching for his body for about four hours. Investigators aren't releasing his name but family members at the scene tell us that the victim was Jesse S-- of W--.

Fire fighter were called out around 2:30 this afternoon about a possible drowning. The N-- fire chief says that's when several fire fighters and bystanders formed a human chain by holding hands. They then walked as far into the water before it got too deep but found nothing. Dive teams from S-- and C-- County were called in. Conservation police were there as well using sonar equipment. Crews then found the body not too far from where he went missing. They are still trying to figure out why he drowned.

"I don't know what the causes of drowning was, just the individual seemed to go under the water. We'd only be able to speculate as to what happened," said Mike M-- of the S-- County Sheriff's Office.

Investigators say the victim's family was with him at the time. An autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow.

*** I found out after posting this elsewhere, that the "family members" who told the reporter who the victim was happened to be my dad. He said they went to the lake to see if they had found Jesse's body and the reporter said they had. Then they asked my dad if he knew who the victim was, his age, and what town he was from. My dad answered those questions. then they asked him if they could interview him and he said he'd rather they not and left. Hmmm...