Disordered

First, I want to say that I really need to get in the habit of blogging everyday. I know it will be beneficial, but I feel so ashamed that I've had this blog since April and I'm at the same place I was back then. I'm not making any progress and it's so frustrating.

Anyway, one of the blogs I read did an entry where she was hugely honest in her issues with binge eating. Someone told me to be classified as a binge eater, you need to consume somewhere around 3500 calories (which makes you gain one pound) in one sitting to be considered a binge eater. This rarely happens, but I do eat uncontrollably and in great quantities. I can only think of once in the past... well, couple of months where I know that I ate more than 3500 calories in one sitting and that was last week. Want to know what I consumed? An entire box of Great Value Thick & Creamy mac and cheese prepared according to the box, one ginormous bowl (I'm talking probably four cups of cereal and two cups of milk) of Fruit Loops, and I still wasn't done so I had four blueberry frozen waffles that were coated with butter and probably a cup of full-calorie syrup. It completely disgusts me to think of that right now, but at the time it didn't bother me. I felt like I couldn't stop eating and I just needed to eat more and more. It sickens me now. I'm ashamed.


Signs of binge eating disorder

Ask yourself the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have binge eating disorder.

Do you feel out of control when you’re eating? YES
Do you think about food all the time? YES
Do you eat in secret? YES
Do you eat until you feel sick? YES
Do you eat to escape from worries, relieve stress, or to comfort yourself? YES
Do you feel disgusted or ashamed after eating? YES
Do you feel powerless to stop eating, even though you want to? YES

Wow. Okay... so I guess according to HelpGuide.org, I am definitely a binge eater.... or I should say it's more likely that I am. I knew this though. I did. I try to be good and I succeed for a few weeks and then the old ED comes back and I lose all progress I made. I've tried telling my doctor that I have issues and I think that she thinks I'm a hypochondriac or something. It's sad...

The good news is that I have taken some steps that I think will be beneficial for me. I signed up for SIX nutrition courses that I will take from January to mid-year next year. I cannot wait for these classes to start, but the first one doesn't start until then.

I'm tired of feeling down on myself so I'm going to go for a while.