Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Telling ED No! - Reflections #3

I'm reading a self-help book called "Telling ED No!". It's basically a book that helps you work through your thoughts as to why you have disordered eating. I definitely do. At the end of each chapter, there are reflection questions which help you overcome your eating disorder. I am going to post those here.

Is Ed dominant in your life? Write down what he is telling you right now. When and how often does he show up throughout your day? Is he louder in the morning, at night, at work, at school, or at home?

Sometimes Ed is very dominant in my life and sometimes he isn't. Sometimes I'm stronger than him and sometimes I'm not. Ed shows up when I'm grocery shopping wanting me to buy foods that are easy to binge on... cereal, sandwich stuff, ice cream, potato chips, etc. He also shows up before every meal. He tries to talk me into eating more than I need or what I want to eat. A perfect example is today... I'm going to my boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. I don't know what his mom is cooking, but I do know that she always has dessert and she always expects you to eat some. I had planned out a fairly nutritious and low calorie day... except for lunch. My coworker Traci asked if I wanted to order in a Buffalo Chicken pizza from Papa John's. My mind and my wallet said no, but Ed said, "You haven't had pizza in a while... a Buffalo Chicken pizza sounds delicious. You should get some. If you only eat a couple of pieces you'll be okay." I fought with him for about an hour before I caved in and told him okay and ordered pizza with Traci... Then I told him that I was only eating two pieces... but he told me I needed one more and I caved again and ate three total. I stopped myself after that... When I went home for lunch, my boyfriend had some ice cream and I ate some of that because Ed told me I needed it... even though I didn't. I mostly struggle with Ed when I'm home alone, but sometimes he gets me when I'm in public and I feel like I need to eat with everyone else.

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