Battling Myself

I've been fighting with myself all day. I hate the feeling. I want to binge so badly. I just want to go buy a large Blizzard and scarf the whole thing without thinking of the consequences. I've been craving sweets all day. Probably because today is day one of trying to be good. My day has looked alright... Breakfast was a cinnamon raisin bagel with a wedge of Laughing Cow cream cheese. Morning snack was a s'mores granola bar. Lunch was a Lean Cuisine meal and 1/2 cup of applesauce. My afternoon snack was a strawberry banana yogurt. When I was home for lunch, I had a cherry popsicle. My dinner will be Turkey Sausage Spaghetti. I also logged one more popsicle.

I'm trying to get some sugar without ice cream. Ice cream is my downfall. I made myself buy popsicles instead of ice cream or ice cream sandwiches. I'm trying my damnedest to steer clear of the ice cream, but it feels like a losing battle.

I'm supposed to return to the gym tonight. As much as I hate to say it, it's not going to happen. I really do want to return. I'm excited at the prospect of getting in the habit of working out again. I have a pretty severe headache. I'm thinking it's caused by lack of sugar... I normally eat something amazingly sweet at least once a day. I honestly think I'm going through sugar withdrawal. Ugh.

Also, this is insanely gross, and I know that... Most dogs need their anal glands cleaned out every so often. I refuse to do this. Rusty ends up doing it on his own. We call it "butt juice". Disgusting... I know, I know. But anyway, last night he was sleeping with me. When I woke up, there was butt juice on the front of my cell. Cue gagging. Now I'm really grossed out and feel like I need to go home and clean my sheets. I feel... almost obsessive over the fact that I need to clean my sheets. So, I'm going to go home and clean my sheets.

Ugh. Why is this so hard??? (rhetorical question)